The first thing that came to mind when I was told we were going for Thai brunch was ‘Hangover 2’: food poisoning and tuktuks. Sadly however, that was not the case at DusitThani’s Taste of Thailand brunch. Instead, we were welcomed to a world of fine cuisine made entirely by Thai chefs, debatably wonderful Thai music, and a myriad of hypnotized clients lining up to enjoy Thai delicacies. Egypt? Queues? WHAT IS THIS BLASPHEMY? I had to investigate this situation to discover the culprit responsible for this unnatural organization.
I grabbed a plate, made my way to the buffet and a fine aroma of what smelled like a dragon giving birth (think fire, spicy, pepper-y) lead me to Tom Saeb E-Sarn. I know what you’re thinking, it sounds like some Kung Fu movie, but it was absolutely delicious. It’s basically extremely hot and spicy soup adorned with beef, kaffir lime leaves chili powder. Rumour has it, there’s enough spiciness in that to kill off the entire population of Egypt. At this point, my taste buds were screaming for mercy and rescue them, I did. I guzzled down a scoop of Khao Yum Pak Tai – Jasmine rice steamed to perfection infused with kaffir lime leaves and a touch of Julianne vegetable special sauce. But typically of a human, we are always in search of more….ok never mind, this isn’t one of my philosophy essays – I was just hungry, sue me! Cleverly disguised as a commoner (so as to unearth the culprit), I made my way to another Thai delicacy: GaengAomGai (hot and spicy chicken curry with bamboo shoots Lemongrass and dill leaves). This delicacy is brown and mushy – the perfect appearance to make Egyptians think it’s our beloved fool beans. Hoping for a familiar taste, I was deceived into eating it – and thank god for that! Fireworks shot sky high in my mouth; the zest intertwined with raw spiciness created a love story that would put Romeo and Juliet to shame. So of course, as only an Egyptian would, I added 17 more spoonfuls of this beauty until my stomach could hold no more.
I rested for what seemed like hours (but we all know was really 30 seconds) and then made my way over to the desserts. There lay a bowl of vulnerable and colourful (balls?) spheres swimming in a milky liquid. I was later told it was named Sago – Tapioca pearls in sweet melon coconut cream. Yes I admit, this was the very first time I had experienced an orgasm, which would’ve been embarrassing under different circumstances, but thankfully everyone else was following through with my gestures. I was safe – for now. I then indulged again with the SangkayaTakrai-which is a fancy word for lemon grass crème brûlée. Ugh, Thai people and their fancy names (totally not trying to hide the fact I experienced my second orgasm of the day). Words are rendered insufficient to describe the moment the cream melted onto my taste buds infusing within me a higher being; it was love at first sight. That’s when it hit me! Thailand in all its might wanted to take over Egypt, not by force, but through Egypt’s biggest weakness: open buffets. Over my dead body, Dusit Thani! I will seek revenge……as soon as I’m done devouring your delicacies.